


You, You're Everything

by Speary



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Coda 12x10, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Lilly Sunder Has Regrets, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9563474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speary/pseuds/Speary
Summary: Castiel tells Dean about his last days in his female vessel. Ishim said that humans were dangerous and that being close to them made one weak, but twice now Castiel has tested that theory, once in 1901 and now with Dean.Coda for 12x10, Lily Sunder Has Regrets





	

“So you were in a female vessel before?” Dean looked at Cas as he tipped back the last bit of beer. Dean had gone through a few bottles and felt the little heady buzz of it. Sam gave up and went off to bed. He gave Cas a pat as he passed, a moment of brotherly affection passed between them in a glance. 

Dean waited for Cas to explain. The room felt smaller somehow, now that Sam had left it. “I was, and she was a truly kind, devoted woman. I am grateful that she did not suffer for having been my vessel.”

“There’s a story behind that.” Dean stretched out long and lean in the chair beside the table. He considered popping another cap off a beer, but didn’t. He felt good enough as he was. Cas’ voice, was low and gentle in the quiet.

“When I came to Jimmy, it was always going to be temporary. I never intended for any harm to come to him. I never wanted for him to suffer. I have regrets there, where he’s concerned. He deserved more of my concern, more compassion. I gave it only too late.” Cas stared off into the distance and Dean reached out to him across the table, settling a hand on his arm. He gave him a little squeeze.

“You did a lot for his family and for the world in general.” Dean knew that Cas was making a protracted argument in his head for all the reasons why Dean was wrong, but he didn’t speak the words aloud. Dean could see it though, painted in the way his mouth curved down a little, and his eyes looked like they held tears.

“It was different with Constance.”

“Constance was your vessel?” Dean already pieced that together, but he wanted to help Cas along, show he was invested in the story.

“Yes, she was. She’d lost her whole family in a tragic fire. She devoted herself to her faith, believing that God must have had a plan for her. She had money, but as a woman, no means of inheriting it outright. She ended up moving into a small convent on the east coast. She prayed beautifully, and I heard her prayers.” Cas got up from the table and paced about a bit.

Dean worried that he’d stop the story. “So she said yes and you did the mission with Ishim. What happened afterwards?”

Cas sighed, “I knew her thoughts, her life, her fears. Her mind was open to me. She told me that she didn’t want me to go.” 

“Well, it was 1901, not exactly a time of equal rights and such,” Dean said.

“I decided not to leave right away; though, I feared that I was connecting with her too much. Ishim had said that humans were dangerous creatures, best avoided or held at a distance.”

“Yeah, well he had a flawed perspective.” Dean got up then and walked over to Cas as if to point out that proximity wasn’t hurting either of them. _Personal space be damned._

“That it was.” Cas stood in front of Dean and sucked in a tiny needless breath. “I suppose I must have known that a little, because I stayed with Constance until I was sure that she’d be okay.”

“How’d you determine that?” Dean was so close to him, that the backs of their hands brushed against each other with each subtle movement of their bodies.

“I secured for her a husband.”

Dean’s huff of laughter sent him back a step. “How very thoughtful of you.” The sarcasm was deep.

“I assure you that it was what she wanted.” Cas resumed pacing and Dean watched him. He thought about returning to his chair, settling in again, but then Cas came to a stop in front of him again. “He was her soulmate.”

“Her soulmate?” Dean looked steadily at him, feeling the warmth radiate from him.

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ve got all night. Tell me the story, Cas.” Dean licked his lips. It felt hot in the room all of a sudden. He glanced back at the table thinking he maybe needed another drink.

Cas reached up and cupped the side of his arm, directing him to the other room, and the comfy sofa that was there. They sat together and Cas rubbed his hands together in front of him, then raised them together up under his chin in a posture that looked like prayer. “Hardly seems like your kind of story.”

“Why?”

“You’ll likely call it a chick flick story.” Cas’ lips curled up a little into a soft half smile.

“Don’t act like you’re trying to get out of telling the story. You even made me settle in and get comfortable over here. You’re not subtle, and I want to hear the story of how you, Mr. Stiff Angel of the Lord, set up a woman with her soulmate.”

“I’m not stiff.” Cas looked like he was preparing for an argument on the subject. Dean just laughed.

“Fine. Tell the story.”

“She knew him from her time in school. He was a grade ahead of her. His family came from money, and they decided that he needed to continue his education in Europe. She’d kissed him once.” Cas smiled a little as if he too held the memory with some fondness. “She thought that she’d sinned. I had to assure her that it wasn’t a sin. That she showed love, and that it was the one thing that was never a sin.”

“Too bad you didn’t know me back then. Could have shocked her with tales of the totally not pure vessels of the future.” He laughed a little.

“I do believe that she would have died from the shock.” Cas smiled though and continued, “As I was saying, they’d kissed, and she was sure that he felt much for her in return. He’d been gone for years though, and a lot could happen. He kept up correspondence with her, and I read through the notes. They were full of sentiment, but he was holding back. I decided that there was only one way to really help them along.”

Dean asked, “Well, what was that?”

“I took her to Europe.” He got up and started pacing the room again. “I thought that the biggest issue working against them was distance and timing. Bringing her to him made all the sense in the world.” 

“So you just show up in a whole other country and that’s it?” Dean sounded like he expected more.

“Yes, and they lived happily ever after as you are all accustomed to saying.” Cas wasn’t facing him. He was staring off at the other end of the room.

Dean got up and walked over to him again. He stood in front of him and asked, “Did you talk to him first, or did you leave it all to her?”

Cas didn’t look at his face. “She asked me to stay and help. I owed her that much.”

“How much help did you give her?” Dean asked, their bodies close again and so warm.

“I told him of her longing but painted it as my own.” Cas looked up at Dean then. “I told him that I’d dreamt of him every night since he left. I told him that there would never be anything more dear in all the world to me than him. I told him that he was everything, and that was the truest way that I could think of to declare love without seeming untoward.” Cas’ gaze was fixed on Dean. He looked on him with an intensity that could inspire fear or compliance or...

“What happened next?” Dean’s question was a chocked out whisper. He turned his hand a little so that his thumb could justifiably run across the back of Cas’ hand.

“I kissed him.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Dean swallowed. “Because he was everything?”

“Yes.” Cas’ answer came out like a thin puff of air. Dean breathed it in. 

“You said we meant everything to you.” Dean offered up the words hoping to build a bridge with them.

“You are.” Cas’ response was quick and caused Dean to stumble on a breath. He felt Cas’ hand turn a little, his fingertips seemed to press out toward him. Dean bridged that gap. It was the least he could do. Their fingers tangled together, a little awkwardly, a little perfectly because they never seemed to get even the easy things like hand holding just right.

“Don’t know how many ways to say it before you hear it right, but you,” he looked away a moment then focused back on Cas. “You are everything. If I lose you, if some stupid mission takes you away, it’ll kill me. And the stupid cosmic consequences will be for nothing, because I just won’t care about anything anymore. So know that. Know what you mean. Know that you are everything.”

Apropos to nothing Cas said, “When I kissed him, he tasted like molecules.”

“Well, thanks for that.” Dean started to free his hand from Cas’.

“No.” Cas wouldn’t release his hand. “I wonder if it was because I kissed him for her. I wonder if it was because I did not have feelings for him that were my own.”

“I wonder,” Dean leaned in close, breathed in the wonder. “Maybe we should test that, see if someone you think highly of affects you differently.”

“Are you offering your lips as part of this experiment, because I’m not quite certain what’s on the table. I’ve never been good at riddles. I make them too complicated. There was once this riddle about goats...”

Dean caught up his cheek in one hand and pulled him close. He kissed him and silenced whatever was to come next concerning goats. He was pleased with the huff of surprise, the quick return of pressure against his lips. Cas kissed like a desperate man. Dean took that as a sign that this kiss was different. It wasn’t someone else’s kiss. It was their’s, and finally, finally he felt like he might be gaining everything. They parted only so long as it took for Dean to breathe again. They clung to each other, they clung to everything that would come of this.

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you for any kudos you feel like leaving and any kind words. You can also find me on Tumblr under the name [Spearywritesstuff](http://spearywritesstuff.tumblr.com/)


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